Best comback Response of the Year.

If you ever testify in court, you might wish you could have been as sharp as this policeman.

He was being cross-examined by a defense attorney during a felony trial.

The lawyer was trying to undermine the policeman’s credibility…

Q: ‘Officer — did you see my client fleeing the scene?’
A: ‘No sir. But I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender, running several blocks away.’
Q: ‘Officer — who provided this description?’
A: ‘The officer who responded to the scene.’
Q: ‘A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender.. Do you trust your fellow officers?’
A: ‘ Yes, sir. With my life.’
Q: ‘With your life? Let me ask you this then officer. Do you have a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?’
A: ‘Yes sir, we do!’
Q: ‘And do you have a locker in the r oom?’
A: ‘Yes sir, I do.’
Q: ‘And do you have a lock on your locker?’
A: ‘Yes sir.’
Q: ‘Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, you find it ne cessary to lock your locker in a room you share with these same officers?’
A: ‘You see, sir — we share the building with the court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room.’

The courtroom EXPLODED with laughter, and a prompt recess was called. The officer on the stand has been nominated for this year’s ‘Best Comeback’ line — and we think he’ll win.

Dear employees,

Due to the current financial situation caused by the
slowdown of the economy, Management has decided to implement
a scheme to put workers of 40 years of age and above on
early retirement. This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire
Aged People Early).

Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to management to be
eligible for the SHAFT scheme (Special Help After Forced
Termination).  Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will
be reviewed under the SCREW program
(Scheme Covering Retired Early Workers). A person may be
RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as
Management deems appropriate.

Persons who have been RAPED can only get AIDS (Additional
Income for Dependents & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings
for Retired Personnel Early Severance). Obviously persons
who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any
further by Management.

Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive
as much SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible.
Management has always prided itself on the amount of SHIT it
gives employees. Should you feel that you do not receive
enough SHIT, please bring to the attention of your
Supervisor. They have been trained to give you all the SHIT
you can handle.

Sincerely, The Management!!!

We will see these by April 15th….

A new Bumper Sticker