They found Nancy Pelosi

I do not condone burning anyone.  This is a joke people.

Another late St Patty's day joke

One day an Irishman, who had been stranded on a deserted island for over 10 years, saw a speck on the horizon.
He thought to himself, “It’s certainly not a ship”.

As the speck got closer and closer, he began to rule out even the possibilities of a small boat or a raft.

Suddenly there strode from the surf a figure clad in a black wet suit. Putting aside the scuba tanks and mask and zipping down the top of the wet suit stood a drop-dead gorgeous blonde!

She walked up to the stunned Irishman and said to him, “Tell me, how long has it been since you’ve had a good cigar?”

“Ten years,” replied the amazed Irishman.

With that, she reached over and unzipped a waterproof pocket on the left sleeve of her wet suit and pulled out a fresh package of cigars and a lighter.

He took a cigar, slowly lit it, and took a long
drag. “Faith and begorrah,” said the castaway,”that is so good! I’d almost forgotten how great a smoke can be!”

“And how long has it been since you’ve had a drop of good Bushmill’s Irish Whiskey?” asked the blonde.
Trembling, the castaway replied, “Ten years.”
Hearing that, the blonde reached over to her right sleeve, unzipped a pocket there and removed a flask and handed it to him.
He opened the flask and took a long drink. ” ‘Tis nectar of the gods!” shouted the Irishman. ” ‘Tis truly fantastic!!!”
At this point the gorgeous blonde started to slowly unzip the long front of her wet suit, right down the middle. She looked at the trembling man and asked, “And how long has it been since you played around?”
With tears in his eyes, the Irishman fell to his knees and sobbed, “Jesus, Mary and Joseph! Don’t tell me that you’ve got golf clubs in there too!

A little late Irish Jokes

*Six retired Irishmen were playing poker in O’Leary’s apartment when Paddy
Murphy loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest, and drops dead at
the table.  Showing respect for their fallen brother, the other five
continue playing standing up.

Michael O’Conner looks around and asks, “Oh, me boys, someone has to tell
Paddy’s wife. Who will it be?”

They draw straws. Paul Gallagher picks the short one. They tell him to be
discreet, be gentle, don’t make a bad situation any worse.

“Discreet???   I’m the most discreet Irishman you’ll ever meet.
Discretion is me middle name. Leave it to me.”

Gallagher goes over to Murphy’s house and knocks on the door.  Mrs. Murphy
answers, and asks what he wants.
Gallagher declares, “Your husband just lost $500, and is afraid to come
home.”

“Tell him to drop dead!”, says Murphy’s wife.

“I’ll go tell him.” says Gallagher.

**    ** * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
* * *
**
**Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like he’d just been run
over by a train. His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is cut,
and bruised, and he’s walking with a limp.

“What happened to you?” asks Sean, the bartender.

“Jamie O’Conner and me had a fight,” says Paddy..
**
**”That little O’Conner,” says Sean, “He couldn’t do that to you, he must
have had something in his hand.”

“That he did,” says Paddy, “a shovel is what he had, and a terrible lickin’
he gave me with it.”

“Well,” says Sean, “you should have defended yourself. Didn’t you have
something in your hand?”
**
**That I did,” said Paddy, “Mrs. O’Conner’s breast, and a thing of beauty it
was; but useless in a fight.”
**
**   ** ** * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
* * * *
**
An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city
one night and, of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road.

A cop pulls him over. “So,” says the cop to the driver, “where have ya
been?”

“Why, I’ve been to the pub of course,” slurs the drunk.

“Well,” says the cop, “it looks like you’ve had quite a few to drink  this
evening.”

“I did all right,” the drunk says with a smile..

“Did you know,” says the cop, standing straight, and folding his arms across
his chest, “that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?”

“Oh, thank heavens,” sighs the drunk. “for a minute there, I thought I’d
gone deaf.”

*** * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
* * *
**
**Brenda O’Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives
at her door.

“Brenda, may I come in?” he asks. “I’ve somethin’ to tell ya”.

“Of course you can come in, you’re always welcome, Tim. But where’s my
husband?”

“That’s what I’m here to be telling ya, Brenda. There was an accident down
at the Guinness brewery”
**
**”Oh, God no!” cries Brenda. “Please don’t tell me.”

“I must, Brenda.  Your husband Shamus is dead and gone.  I’m sorry.

Finally, she looked up at Tim. “How did it happen, Tim?”;

“It was terrible, Brenda.  He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout, and
drowned.”

“Oh my dear Jesus!  But you must tell me true, Tim, did he at least go
quickly?”

“Well, Brenda, no.  In fact, he got out three times to pee.”
**
** * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
* *

Mary Clancy goes up to Father O’Grady after his Sunday morning service, and
she’s in tears.

He says, “So what’s bothering you, Mary my dear?”

She says, “Oh, Father, I’ve got terrible news..  My husband passed away last
night.”

The priest says, “Oh, Mary, that’s terrible. Tell me, Mary, did he have any
last requests?”

She says, “That he did, Father.”

The priest says, “What did he ask, Mary?”

” She says, “He said, ‘Please Mary, put down that damn gun…'”

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

AND THE  BEST FOR LAST , an oldie, but a goodie.

**A drunk staggers into a Catholic Church, enters a confessional booth, sits
down, but says nothing.

The Priest coughs a few times to get his attention, but the drunk continues
to sit there.

Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall.
**
**The drunk mumbles,
*
*”**Ain’t no use knockin, there’s no paper on this side either**.”*

I did not know the Jolly Green Giant was a Conservative

I know that there are some incidences of vandalism, but this takes the cake.   Protesters breaking windows on the 30th floor. Be on the look out for the Jolly Green Giant.

via Gateway Pundit

Protesters have been demonstrating at Driehaus’ Ohio home, said Tim Mulvey, a spokesman for the anti-abortion Democrat who joined Stupak in voting for the health bill. A rock was thrown through the window of Driehaus’ Cincinnati office Sunday, and a death threat was phoned in to his Washington office a day later, Mulvey said.

But his office is on the 30^th floor of a skyscraper in downtown Cincinnati.

I am not saying that there is no vandalism, or threats towards people, but come on this is just getting out of hand.  There is always going to be some freaks on both sides that take things to far.  And to make it like we are in all out Civil Warwill not make anything better,  and having the President act like an arrogant asshole saying,”Bring it on“, does not help at all either.

I do advocate telling the CONgress critters that they are on shaky ground morally, and are going to loose their power for not listening to “We the People”.  I do not condone violence or vandalism either.  It is wrong and should never be done.  Sending emails and letters saying you are going to be voted out, and to tell them you are morally outraged is another story

The Best Quote of 2009

I do not know if this is true or not

President Obama was having that one, lone brief conversation this year with General McChrystal about Afghanistan .

Things were obviously not going the way the General had hoped.  Obama could sense this, and told him, “I bet when I die, you’ll piss on my grave.”

To which General McChrystal answers, “No sir, I’ve always said that when I get out of the Army, I’ll never again wait in another line.”

Where do we honor this president on our currency?

A little early Fun Friday Post

Where do we honor this president on our currency?

George Washington, our nation’s first President and leader of the American Revolution!

Abe Lincoln, honorable leader pulled our nation through its darkest time!

A few jokes

One Sunday Morning…

One Sunday morning a mother went in to wake her son and tell him it was time to get ready for church, to which he replied, ‘I’m not going.’ ‘Why not?’ she asked. I’ll give you two good reasons,’ he said. ‘ (1) They don’t like me, and (2), I don’t like them.’ His mother replied, ‘I’ll give YOU two good reasons why YOU SHOULD go to church. (1) You’re 59 years old, and (2) you’re the pastor!’ The Picnic A Jewish Rabbi and a Catholic Priest met at the town’s annual 4th of July picnic. Old friends, they began their usual banter.. ‘This baked ham is really delicious,’ the priest teased the rabbi. ‘You really ought to try it.. I know it’s against your religion, but I can’t understand why such a wonderful food should be forbidden! You don’t know what you’re missing. You just haven’t lived until you’ve tried Mrs. Hall’s prized Virginia Baked Ham. Tell me, Rabbi, when are you going to break down and try it?’ The rabbi looked at the priest with a big grin, and said, ‘At your wedding..’ The Usher An elderly woman walked into the local country church. The friendly usher greeted her at the door and helped her up the flight of steps, ‘Where would you like to sit?’ he asked politely. ‘The front row please,’ she answered. ‘You really don’t want to do that,’ the usher said ‘The pastor is really boring.’ ‘Do you happen to know who I am?’ the woman inquired. ‘No.’ he said. ‘I’m the pastor’s mother,’ she replied indignantly. ‘Do you know who I am?’ he asked. ‘No.’ she said. ‘Good,’ he answered and walked away. Show and Tell A kindergarten teacher gave her class a ‘show and tell’ assignment. Each student was instructed to bring in an object to share with the class that represented their religion… The first student got up in front of the class and said, ‘My name is Benjamin and I am Jewish and this is a Star of David..’ The second student got up in front of the class and said, ‘My name is Mary. I’m a Catholic and this is a Rosary.’ The third student got in up front of the class and said, ‘My name is Tommy.. I am  Baptist , and this is a casserole.’ The Best Way To Pray A priest, a minister and a guru sat discussing the best positions for prayer, while a telephone repairman worked nearby. ‘Kneeling is definitely the best way to pray,’ the priest said. ‘No,’ said the minister. ‘I get the best results standing with my hands outstretched to Heaven.’ ‘You’re both wrong,’ the guru said. ‘The most effective prayer position is lying down on the floor.’ The repairman could contain himself no longer… ‘Hey, fellas,’ he interrupted.. ‘The best prayin’ I ever did was when I was hangin’ upside down from a telephone pole.’ The Twenty and the One A well-worn one-dollar bill and a similarly distressed twenty-dollar bill arrived at a Federal Reserve Bank to be retired. As they moved along the conveyor belt to be burned, they struck up a conversation. The twenty-dollar bill reminisced about its travels all over the country. ‘I’ve had a pretty good life,’ the twenty proclaimed. ‘Why I’ve been to Las Vegas and Atlantic City , the finest restaurants in New York , performances on Broadway, and even a cruise to the Caribbean ‘. ‘Wow!’ said the one-dollar bill. ‘You’ve really had an exciting life!’ ‘So tell me,’ says the twenty, ‘where have you been throughout your lifetime?’ The one dollar bill replies, ‘Oh, I’ve been to the Methodist Church , the Baptist Church , the Lutheran Church ‘. The twenty-dollar bill interrupts, ‘What’s a church?’ Goat for Dinner The young couple invited their elderly priest for Sunday dinner.. While they were in the kitchen preparing the meal, the priest  asked their son what they were having for dinner. ‘Goat,’ the little boy replied. ‘Goat?’ replied the startled man of the cloth, ‘Are you sure about that?’ ‘Yep,’ said the youngster. ‘I heard Dad say to Mom, ‘Today is just as good as any to have the old goat for dinner.’ Lord, keep Your arm around my shoulder, and Your hand over my mouth!

A**holes of the world

I think it is time to bring this back out of the archives.

One out of every ten

Old Pilots

You think you have lived to be 80 and know who you are, then along comes someone and blows it all to hell!

An old Pilot sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee.

As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him..

She turned to the pilot and asked, ‘Are you a real pilot?’

He replied, ‘Well, I’ve spent my whole life flying biplanes, Cubs, Aeronca’s, Nieuports, flew in WWII in a B-29, and later in the Korean conflict, taught 50 people to fly and gave rides to hundreds, so I guess I am a pilot, and you, what are you?

She said, ‘I’m a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about naked women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about naked women. When I shower, I think about naked women. When I watch TV, I think about naked women. It seems everything makes me think of naked women.’

The two sat sipping in silence.

A little while later, a young man sat down on the other side of the old pilot and asked: “are you a real pilot?”

He replied, ‘I always thought I was, but I just found out  I’m a lesbian.’