MOre Fun This time with Newspapaers

H/T to my mom (Julia)

Subject: America's Newspapers Explained

1. WALL STREET JOURNAL is read by the people who run the country.

2. WASHINGTON POST is read by people who think they run the country.

3. NEW YORK TIMES is read by people who think they should run 
thecountry, 
and who are very good at crosswords.

4. USA TODAY is read by people who think they ought to run the country 
but 
don't really understand the Washington Post. They do, however, like 
their 
statistics shown in pie charts.

5. LOS ANGELES TIMES is read by people who wouldn't mind running the 
country, if they could spare the time, and if they didn't have to leave 
LA 
to do it.

6. BOSTON GLOBE is read by people whose parents used to run the country 
and 
did a far superior job of it, thank you very much.

7. NEW YORK DAILY NEWS is read by people who aren't too sure who's 
running 
the country, and don 't really care as long as they can get a  seat on 
the 
train.

8. NEW YORK POST is read by people who don't care who's running the 
country, 
as long as they do something really scandalous, preferably while 
intoxicated.

9. SAN FRANCISCO CHRONICLE is read by people who aren't sure there is a 
country .... or, that anyone is running it; but whoever it is, they 
oppose 
all that they stand for. There are occasional exceptions if the
leaders are handicapped minority feminist atheist dwarfs, who also 
happen to 
be illegal aliens from ANY country (or galaxy) as long as they are 
Democrats.

10. MIAMI HERALD is read by people who are running another country but 
need 
the baseball scores.

11. NATIONAL INQUIRER is read by people trapped in line at the grocery 
store.

2. STARS AND STRIPES is read by people who will live and die for their 
country.

More of the Worls’s shortest books

Via email

The World’s Shortest Books

The World’s Shortest Books: 

   

***********************

   FRENCH WAR HEROES 

                                                 by Jacques Chirac 
______________________________________

THINGS I LOVE ABOUT MY COUNTRY 

                            by Jane Fonda & Cindy Sheehan.
                               Illustrated by Michael Moore
________________________________________

MY BEAUTY SECRETS 

                                              by Janet Reno ___________ ____________________________________

 

MY CHRISTIAN ACCOMPLISHMENTS &
HOW I HELPED AFTER KATRINA

                     by Rev Jesse Jackson & Rev Al Sharpton 
_______________________________________

THINGS I LOVE ABOUT BILL

                                           by Hillary Clinton
_________________________________

Sequel:

   THINGS I LOVE ABOUT HILLARY 

                                     By Bill Clinton
__ _________________________________

MY LITTLE BOOK OF
PERSONAL HYGIENE 

                                         by Osama Bin Laden  
___________________________________

THINGS I CANNOT AFFORD

                                               by Bill Gates  

____________________________________

THINGS I WOULD NOT
DO FOR MONEY
by Dennis Rodman 

__________________________________

THINGS I KNOW TO BE TRUE
by Al Gore & John Kerry

_______________________________________

AMELIA EARHART’S
GUIDE TO THE PACIFIC 

___________________________________

 A COLLECTION of
MOTIVATIONAL SPEECHES
by Dr. J Kevorkian 

__________________________________

ALL THE MEN I HAVE LOVED BEFORE

by Ellen de Generes & Rosie O’Donnel 

  ____________________________________

 

GUIDE TO DATING ETIQUETTE 
by Mike Tyson

  __________________________________ 

THE AMISH PHONE DIRECTORY

_______________________________________

 

MY PLAN TO FIND THE REAL KILLERS
by O.J. Simpson 

_________________________________________

HOW TO DRINK & DRIVE OVER BRIDGES 
by Ted Kennedy

  ___________________________________

 

MY BOOK OF MORALS
by Bill Clinton
with introduction  by The Rev. Jesse Jackson

An ew element has been found “Governmentium”

H/T to My Vast Right Wing Conspiracy

Major Scientific Discovery!

A major research institution has recently announced the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element has been named “Governmentium”. Governmentium has 1 neutron, 12 deputy neutrons, 75 assistant neutrons, and 224 deputy assistant neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since Governmentium has no protons or electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected, because it impedes every action with which it comes into contact. A minute amount of Governmentium causes a reaction to take 4 days to complete, when it would normally take less than a second. Governmentium has a normal half-life of 4 years. It does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium’s mass will actually increase over time since each organisation will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes. This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as “Critical Morass.” When catalysed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium, an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.

Via the West Bournemouth UKIP website, h/t Devil’s Kitchen

A new way to wash away your carbon footprint sins

Another good spoof by the Loveable Iowahawk.

H/T to Say Anything

Repent, Sinners!

Earn Eco-Salvation the Quick and Easy Iowahawk Way

Are you concerned that your profligate personal lifestyle is harming the environment? Losing sleep over the long-term ecological damage resulting from those greenhouse gases constantly emitted by your family, your cars, your pets, and your shrubbery? Do you want to become carbon-neutral, but just don’t know how?

Well rejoice, sinner! Carbon atonement is no longer the exclusive preserve of the Malibu set — with the Iowahawk EcoPals Network! This unique new system lets you, the average Joe planet rapist, cleanse your tortured psyche of the stain of enviro-guilt for as little as $9.95 per year! If enough of you follow this simple three step program, we can save the world for our children — who will soon be frolicking with healthy polar bears atop Earth’s reforested glaciers. Act now before it’s too late!

STEP 1: Catalog Your Sins

Your first step on the road to salvation is to take a frank inventory of your eco-transgressions. When answering the following questions, remember to be honest. We are all sinners in the eyes of Gaia, and it is important not to incur her wrath by fibbing.

1. Did your home consume less than 220,000 Kilowatt hours in 2006?

2. Was your combined residential energy bill less than $30,000 in 2006?

3. When your are traveling the three blocks from your hotel to the Palm d’Or Ceremony at Cannes, do you and your entourage use less than five SUVs?

4. When you travel to Berkeley to lecture on greenhouse gases, do you balance your multiple-limousine motorcade with at least one Prius? 

5. In the previous year, did you travel less than 1 million miles on private and commercial jets?

6. In the previous five years have you, and members your immediate family, successfully avoided arrest for speeding and/or driving high in a Cadillac?

If you answered "no" to any of these questions, don’t worry — you can still reach salvation. Simply keep track of the number of "no" answers and proceed to Step 2.

STEP 2: Calculate Carbon Credits

As we say in the environmental community, now it’s time to "pay the piper" for your carbon use. If you answered "yes" to ALL of the questions in Step 1, your fee is $9.95. For each "no" answer, add an additional $19.95, plus $4.95 carbon credit shipping and handling. Once you have calculated your total fee, send it to the Iowahawk EcoPals Network via the "Beer Fund" tip jar located on the left sidebar.

STEP 3: Spread the Holy Eco-Word

Hallellujah, brother/sister, you are officially saved! The holy spirit of PayPal has washed away your CO2 sins in the healing Polar glacial waters! You are born again in the sweet bathing flourescent light of carbon neutrality! Feel that spirit enter! The power of Mother Earth compels you! Hunga mwa blabla glooba flambla hoomcha doomcha gluppa!

Brothers and sisters, now that you have gotten yourself right with Gaia, it’s time for you to go out and spread the good news about eco-redemption through the Iowahawk EcoPals Network. Start a mission in your own neighborhood, whether it’s Brentwood, Bel Air, or the Hamptons. Hold an oldtime Earth Tent Revival on your front lawn. Let your neighbors and friends know that no matter how they’ve sinned against Earth in the past, salvation is but one $9.95 mouse click away. Ask me about my new multilevel conversion fee program.

To help you bring those eco-sinners around to righteousness, feel free to download these Iowahawk EcoPals bumperstickers and glue them to your SUV, boat, snowmobile, or Gulfstream G5. Now go and sin no more! But if you happen to backslide, remember to send in another $9.95.

Communism taught in the classroom.

This is what is being taught in the classroom.  That private property is evil and that everyone is equal.  As in Animal Farm it is never achieved, because everyone is equal except the few at the top in socialism and communism.  But that doesn’t matter to the teachers that are suppose to make children into citizens of the world.  No they fill thier skulls full of mush with crap like this.  This kind of teaching goes against every principle that our Founding Fathers made into our coinstitution.  Property rights are one of the strongest things to Americans, and the Looney Left keeps on chipping away at our freedoms. 

L’Eggo My Lego

By Maureen Martin : BIO| 28 Feb 2007

Some Seattle school children are being told to be skeptical of private property rights. This lesson is being taught by banning Legos.

A ban was initiated at the Hilltop Children’s Center in Seattle. According to an article in the winter 2006-07 issue of "Rethinking Schools" magazine, the teachers at the private school wanted their students to learn that private property ownership is evil.

According to the article, the students had been building an elaborate "Legotown," but it was accidentally demolished. The teachers decided its destruction was an opportunity to explore "the inequities of private ownership." According to the teachers, "Our intention was to promote a contrasting set of values: collectivity, collaboration, resource-sharing, and full democratic participation."

The children were allegedly incorporating into Legotown "their assumptions about ownership and the social power it conveys." These assumptions "mirrored those of a class-based, capitalist society — a society that we teachers believe to be unjust and oppressive."

They claimed as their role shaping the children’s "social and political understandings of ownership and economic equity … from a perspective of social justice."

So they first explored with the children the issue of ownership. Not all of the students shared the teachers’ anathema to private property ownership. "If I buy it, I own it," one child is quoted saying. The teachers then explored with the students concepts of fairness, equity, power, and other issues over a period of several months.

At the end of that time, Legos returned to the classroom after the children agreed to several guiding principles framed by the teachers, including that "All structures are public structures" and "All structures will be standard sizes." The teachers quote the children:

"A house is good because it is a community house."

"We should have equal houses. They should be standard sizes."

"It’s important to have the same amount of power as other people over your building."

Given some recent history in Washington state with respect to private property protections, perhaps this should not come as a surprise. Municipal officials in Washington have long known how to condemn one person’s private property and sell it to another for the "public use" of private economic development. Even prior to the U.S. Supreme Court’s 2005 ruling in Kelo v. City of New London, Connecticut, which sanctioned such a use of eminent domain, Washington state officials acting under their state constitution were already proceeding full speed ahead with such transactions.

Officials in Bremerton, for example, condemned a house where a widow had lived for 55 years so her property could be used for a car lot, according to the Institute for Justice. And Seattle successfully condemned nine properties and turned them over to a private developer for retail shops and hotel parking, IJ reports. Attempts to do the same thing in Vancouver (for mixed use development) and Lakewood (for an amusement park) failed for reasons unrelated to property confiscation issues.

The court’s ruling in Kelo, however, whetted municipal condemnation appetites even further. The Institute for Justice reports 272 takings for private use are pending or threatened in the state as of last summer. It’s unclear if Legos will be targeted. But given what’s being taught in some schools, perhaps it’s just a matter of time.

Maureen Martin (martin@heartland.org), an attorney, is senior fellow for legal affairs at The Heartland Institute, a nonprofit organization based in Chicago that promotes free-market solutions to social and economic problems.

TCS Daily

Real Local Weather maps

Site to Offer Truly Local Weather Maps Feb 28 10:26 AM US/Eastern

By GREG BLUESTEIN Associated Press Writer ATLANTA (AP) — Something seems to be missing from online weather maps. They show major highways and town names. But have you ever seen one get detailed enough to show neighborhoods and street names and, by extension, truly localized weather? The Weather Channel is unveiling a product Monday that could change that. The Atlanta-based cable channel has partnered with Microsoft Corp. to offer detailed road maps combined with satellite imagery. The result is an interactive Web map that lets users zoom in to get a localized snapshot of current weather. That is, to see how it’s affecting their neighborhood _ not just the city as a whole. The interactive map sits on the channel’s online site, http://www.weather.com . It has a sliding bar that controls the view of the weather, along with tools that let users pan around the map. The Weather Channel hopes it can draw more eyeballs to its site and get them to stay longer. The site already logs about 35 million users each month and millions more during weather disasters. The company will next start mapping out points of interest, such as golf courses, ski resorts and parks. And eventually, it hopes the program can show a localized weather forecast for the hours and days ahead. Says Todd Richards, editorial director of the Web site: "We’re scratching the surface." BREITBART.com

20 New species of sharks and rays found in Indonesia

20 New Ocean Species Found in Indonesia

Feb 28 9:59 AM US/Eastern

By MICHAEL CASEY
AP Environmental Writer

BANGKOK, Thailand (AP) — Twenty new species of sharks and rays have been discovered in Indonesia in a five-year survey of catches at local fish markets, Australian researchers said Wednesday.

The survey by the Australian Commonwealth Scientific and Industrial Research Organization, or CSIRO, represents the first in-depth look at Indonesia’s sharks and rays since Dutch scientist Pieter Bleeker described more than 1,100 fish species from 1842-60.

Researchers said six of their discoveries have been described in peer review journals, including the Bali Catshark and Jimbaran Shovelnose Ray, found only in Bali, and the Hortle’s Whipray, found only in West Papua.

Papers on the remaining 14 are being prepared.

"Indonesia has the most diverse shark and ray fauna and the largest shark and ray fishery in the world, with reported landings of more than 100,000 tons a year," said William White, a co-author of the study. "Before this survey, however, there were vast gaps in our knowledge of sharks and rays in this region."

From 2001 to 2006, researchers photographed and sampled more than 130 species on 22 survey trips to 11 ports across Indonesia. More than 800 specimens were lodged in reference collections at the Museum Zoologicum Bogoriense at Cibinong, Java, and the Australian National Fish Collection at Hobart.

The survey was part of a broader project working toward improved management of sharks and rays in Indonesia and Australia, researchers said.

"Good taxonomic information is critical to managing shark and ray species, which reproduce relatively slowly and are extremely vulnerable to overfishing," White said in a statement. "It provides the foundation for estimating population sizes, assessing the effects of fishing and developing plans for fisheries management and conservation."

BREITBART.com
 

Feb 28

1993 : ATF raids Branch Davidian compound

At Mount Carmel in Waco, Texas, agents of the U.S. Treasury Department’s Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms (ATF) launch a raid against the Branch Davidian compound as part of an investigation into illegal possession of firearms and explosives by the Christian cult. As the agents attempted to penetrate the complex, gunfire erupted, beginning an extended gun battle that left four ATF agents dead and 15 wounded. Six Branch Davidians were fatally wounded, and several more were injured, including David Koresh, the cult’s founder and leader. After 45 minutes of shooting, the ATF agents withdrew, and a cease-fire was negotiated over the telephone. The operation, which involved more than 100 ATF agents, was the one of the largest ever mounted by the bureau and resulted in the highest casualties of any ATF operation.

David Koresh was born Vernon Wayne Howell in Houston, Texas, in 1959. In 1981, he joined the Branch Davidians, a sect of the Seventh Day Adventist Church founded in 1934 by a Bulgarian immigrant named Victor Houteff. Koresh, who possessed an exhaustive knowledge of the Bible, rapidly rose in the hierarchy of the small religious community, eventually entering into a power struggle with the Davidians’ leader, George Roden.

For a short time, Koresh retreated with his followers to eastern Texas, but in late 1987 he returned to Mount Carmel with seven armed followers and raided the compound, severely wounding Roden. Koresh went on trial for attempted murder, but the charge was dropped after his case was declared a mistrial. By 1990, he was the leader of the Branch Davidians and legally changed his name to David Koresh, with David representing his status as head of the biblical House of David, and Koresh standing for the Hebrew name for Cyrus, the Persian king who allowed the Jews held captive in Babylon to return to Israel.

Koresh took several wives at Mount Carmel and fathered at least 12 children from these women, several of whom were as young as 12 or 13 when they became pregnant. There is also evidence that Koresh may have harshly disciplined some of the 100 or so Branch Davidians living inside the compound, particularly his children. A central aspect of Koresh’s religious teachings was his assertion that the apocalyptic events predicted in the Bible’s book of Revelation were imminent, making it necessary, he asserted, for the Davidians to stockpile weapons and explosives in preparation.

Following the unsuccessful ATF raid, the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) took over the situation. A standoff with the Branch Davidians stretched into seven weeks, and little progress was made in the telephone negotiations as the Davidians had stockpiled years of food and other necessities before the raid.

On April 18, U.S. Attorney General Janet Reno approved a tear-gas assault on the compound, and at approximately 6:00 a.m. on April 19 the Branch Davidians were informed of the imminent attack and asked to surrender, which they did not. A few minutes later, two FBI combat vehicles began inserting gas into the building and were joined by Bradley tanks, which fired tear-gas canisters through the compound’s windows. The Branch Davidians, many with gas masks on, refused to evacuate, and by 11:40 a.m. the last of some 100 tear-gas canisters was fired into the compound. Just after noon, a fire erupted at one or more locations on the compound, and minutes later nine Davidians fled the rapidly spreading blaze. Gunfire was reported but ceased as the compound was completely engulfed by the flames.

Koresh and at least 80 of his followers, including 22 children, died during the federal government’s second disastrous assault on Mount Carmel. The FBI and Justice Department maintained there was conclusive evidence that the Branch Davidian members ignited the fire, citing an eyewitness account and various forensic data. Of the gunfire reported during the fire, the government argued that the Davidians were either killing each other as part of a suicide pact or were killing dissenters who attempted to escape the Koresh-ordered suicide by fire. Most of the surviving Branch Davidians contested this official position, as do some critics in the press and elsewhere, whose charges against the ATF and FBI’s handling of the Waco standoff ranged from incompetence to premeditated murder. In 1999, the FBI admitted that they used tear-gas grenades in the assault, which have been known to cause fires because of their incendiary properties.

History Channel

The Global Warming Deniers meet

Today Global Warming skeptics are meeting in Australia.  Of course, they are all owned and paid for by big oil companies.

Greenhouse sceptics to congregate

Katharine Murphy and Brendan Nicholson, Canberra and Richard Baker
February 28, 2007

HARD-CORE global warming sceptics will descend on Canberra today for the release of a book claiming environmentalism is the new religion.

Former mining executive Arvi Parbo will launch Ray Evans’ new publication, Nine Facts About Climate Change, at a function at Parliament House.

The book claims climate change is nothing new and declares Howard Government investments in solar power and in cleaning up coal a "complete waste of taxpayers’ money".

"Environmentalism has largely superseded Christianity as the religion of the upper classes in Europe and to a lesser extent in the United States," Mr Evans says in the publication.

"It is a form of religious belief which fosters a sense of moral superiority in the believer, but which places no importance on telling the truth," he says.

"The global warming scam has been, arguably, the most extraordinary example of scientific fraud in the postwar period."

The function is organised by the Lavoisier Group, founded in 2000 by Ray Evans and former mining executive Hugh Morgan to test claims that global warming is the result of human activity.

Mr Evans is a longstanding friend and colleague of Mr Morgan and a committed activist on issues such as workplace reform through the HR Nicholls Society, which he founded with federal Treasurer Peter Costello.

Former Labor minister Peter Walsh also will attend today’s function, and the group will hold a dinner to be addressed by climate-change sceptic Chris de Freitas, Associate Professor in the School of Geography, Geology and Environmental Science at Auckland University.

Liberal MP Dennis Jensen has organised the function on behalf of the Lavoisier Group and expects about 50 people to attend the dinner.

Dr Jensen, a nuclear physicist, has said he is not convinced that human activity is responsible for global warming.

In an interview with The Age last month, Mr Evans acknowledged that last September’s visit by former US vice-president Al Gore to promote his Oscar-winning global-warming documentary An Inconvenient Truth had helped generate a lot of publicity on climate change.

But he described Mr Gore’s film as "bullshit from beginning to end".

"The science from the anthropology point of view has collapsed. The carbon-dioxide link is increasingly recognised as irrelevant," Mr Evans said.

"But the Government’s frightened.

"Cabinet, from what I understand, is by and large still sceptical of climate change, but it is scared of the drought and worried about how Labor will make use of it."

The Age

Dana Summers

Dana Summers